What to Say After "Hey" on Dating Apps (Follow-Ups That Get Replies)

The best thing to say after "hey" on a dating app is something specific to her profile that gives her an easy, fun way to respond. "Hey, how are you?" is the default for a reason: it is safe. It is also why so many conversations die right there. The fix is a follow-up that proves you actually looked at her profile and that invites a real answer instead of "good, you?"

Why "hey how are you" stalls

"How are you" is a question with one acceptable answer. She says "good, hbu," you say "good," and now you are both staring at a dead thread wondering whose turn it is. It is not rude, it is just empty. There is nothing in it for either of you to grab onto.

Dating apps are also high-volume for most women. If she has twenty open chats and fifteen of them say some version of "hey how are you," yours needs a reason to be answered. A profile-specific question is that reason. It takes thirty seconds and puts you ahead of most of the inbox.

The formula: profile detail plus open question

The best dating app follow-up messages after "hey" share a structure: reference one specific thing from her profile, then ask a question that cannot be answered with one word.

The specific thing can be a photo, a prompt, a bio line, a location, or a detail in the background of a picture. The question should be open-ended: it asks for a story, an opinion, or a preference, not a yes or no.

Closed: "Do you like hiking?" Open: "What's the hike that made you a hiking person?"

Closed: "Are you from here?" Open: "What's the one thing about this city you'd defend in an argument?"

Open questions are not longer or harder to write. They just leave room.

12 follow-ups you can actually send

Adapt these to the profile. The structure matters more than the wording.

If she has a travel photo:

"Okay the beach photo. Where is that and how hard was it to not just move there"

If her prompt says she is competitive:

"Your prompt says you're competitive. What's the most unhinged thing you've been competitive about"

If her bio mentions a food:

"You put tacos in your bio, which is a big commitment. What's the spot that earned that"

If she has a dog:

"I need to know the dog's name and whether he's the main character of your life"

If her prompt is about a hot take:

"Your hot take is correct and I'm willing to die on that hill with you. What's the second most controversial opinion you've got"

If her photos show a hobby (climbing, pottery, running):

"How long have you been climbing? And be honest, how much of it is just the social part"

If she mentions a show or artist:

"Big fan of that show. Which season do you tell people to skip? Everyone has one"

If she looks like she goes out a lot:

"Are you a 'planned the whole night' person or a 'got dragged out and had the best time' person"

If her prompt mentions a goal:

"You said you're learning Spanish. What's the phrase you've mastered and what's the one that's ruining your life"

If her location says she just moved:

"New to the city? What's the first thing you went looking for, a coffee place or a gym"

If she posted a group photo:

"I'm going to guess you're the one who organizes the trips. Am I close"

If there is almost nothing in the profile:

"Your profile is very mysterious. Give me one fact about you that isn't on here and I'll trade you one"

If you need more first messages rather than follow-ups, there is a full list at /guides/dating-app-openers-that-work/.

How to answer "how are you" when she sends it

Sometimes she opens with "hey how are you" and you need to respond without letting it die. The move is to answer with a small, real detail and then redirect.

"Pretty good, just lost an argument with my roommate about whether cereal is soup. How's your week going, and where do you stand on that"

"Good! Currently pretending to work. What are you up to today that's more interesting than what I'm doing"

The small detail gives her something to react to. The question moves things forward. You do not need to be hilarious, you need to be a person.

How to continue open-ended questions without it feeling like an interview

A common problem on Hinge and Bumble: you ask a good question, she answers, and now you are stuck. The way to keep momentum is the share-then-ask pattern. Before your next question, react to what she said and add something of your own.

She says: "I started climbing like two years ago, it's basically my whole personality now."

Weak: "Nice, what gym do you go to?"

Better:

"Two years and already a personality. Respect. I tried once and spent the whole time hanging on the wall doing nothing. Are you a bouldering person or a rope person, and which one would you make me do"

That reply reacts, adds something about you, and asks the next question. It is a conversation instead of a questionnaire. Aim for a rhythm where only about half your messages end in a question. The rest can be statements, jokes, or reactions, which give her space to ask you things.

Escaping small talk entirely

If you are three exchanges in and it still feels like two coworkers on an elevator, change the subject on purpose. Lower the stakes with a game or a hypothetical.

"Okay, quick one. Worst date you've ever been on, no names"

"If you had to eat one cuisine for a year, what are we eating"

"What's something you're weirdly good at that would never come up on a date"

These are easy to answer, slightly personal, and almost always lead somewhere. You can also simply be direct about it:

"I feel like we're doing the polite phase. What's actually on your mind this week"

Most people find that kind of candor refreshing on an app full of small talk.

If you want a second opinion on a specific thread, Goatmaxx lets you paste the conversation and get a suggested reply that fits where it is, along with why, which helps when you cannot tell if you are overthinking it.

When to move toward a date

Do not stay on the app forever. A good target is five to ten real exchanges, with at least one laugh and one bit of actual information about each other. After that, suggest meeting or moving to text. Guides for both: /guides/how-to-ask-a-girl-out-over-text/ for the ask, and /guides/what-to-text-after-getting-her-number/ for what comes next.

Common questions

What should I say after "hey" on Hinge?

Pick one specific thing from her profile and ask an open question about it. "Your prompt about never ordering the same thing twice is a problem, where do you go when you want to break that rule" works because it proves you read the profile and gives her a real answer to give. Avoid "hey how are you" as your second message, since it leads to a one-word reply and a stalled chat.

How do I respond to "hey how are you" on a dating app?

Give a short real answer, add a small detail, then ask something open. "Good, surviving a Monday. What's your week looking like, and what's the one thing in it you're actually excited about" is enough. The detail gives her something to react to, and the question pulls the conversation past small talk.

What's a good open-ended question for a dating app?

Anything that asks for a story, a preference, or an opinion instead of a yes or no. "What's the trip that made you a travel person," "what's your hot take on this city," and "what are you weirdly good at" all work. The best ones are tied to something on her profile so they feel personal rather than random.

How many messages before asking for a date?

There is no magic number, but five to ten real exchanges is usually enough to know whether you want to meet. Wait until there has been at least one good laugh or one real moment, then ask with a specific day and place. Dragging the app conversation out for weeks tends to kill the energy that was there at the start.